Is My Desire For Perfection Really A Lack of Faith?

Hello Prayer Partners!

During my time in fellowship with one of my sisters in Christ, she heard from God that she and I needed to read the book of James. As soon as I got to verses 2 – 7 of the first chapter, the Lord began to speak to me.

She and I are going through a few similar things with our businesses and working on our assignments, and have found that, dare I say it...Le struggle, has been real. During our call, I shared with her that I needed intercession for this “wait until it's perfect" hoarding I tend to do when it comes to the things I need to do for myself. Or, this idea of perfecting things for others but being slack with things for myself. We ended our call knowing that we both would be reading the book of James.

As I was planning out some tasks a few weeks prior to our conversation, I heard the Lord ask: "What kind of love is this?" My heart jumped. All I could think was...

While I know this question wasn't to scare or worry me, it struck me with a powerful Truth, as with all of His questions. I was paused and deeply intrigued to find out what this question would reveal to me.

I love how God can do that...where most people would only seek revelation from a statement, God can reveal things to us with questions! Yup, He's amazing like that! But I digress...

In my pause, I thought about what God meant, and He brought to my attention how I am great at getting things done for my clients and friends, and I can even sit and type up what could easily be an entire 100-page book of downloads when God is pouring out. Yet, there is this block with me for “my stuff.”

He repeated the question: "What kind of love is this?" And it hit me. I keep compartmentalizing our relationship. I was separating the partnership. I spoke with my spiritual mom, Apostle Tiisetso Ncube, and she shared with me in such a simple yet beautiful way (as she is very gifted in) that God, our Good Father, pours into us. She asked: What kind of father would give out things to others and not make sure that his child doesn't first get something? She then said to me,..."It's you and Him."

As a few days had passed God then began asking me during my conversations with people and with Him: " What is your measure of faith?"

You know when you have a certain gift at creating something, an example could be preparing a family favorite dish. You've prepared it plenty of times. Enough time to remember the seasonings, the baking time, and maybe the best side to pair it with. Yet, you get ready to prepare it and you forget just how much of this one ingredient is needed to make this dish amazing. That was this moment for me. God had been asking me to remember where I was missing His special ingredient in my life. Where was I not pressing into His FaithFULLness.

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. - Romans 12:3

When I was younger, I didn't compartmentalize things when it came to my understanding of God and the Word. Hearing God ask, "What is your measure of faith?" as a child would have led me to believe that I may not have faith in a very broad sense. During my conversations now, I ask, seek, ask, ask, knock, and knock again. 😂 I am that child with Abba. You know the one. The one who asks a million questions while you're trying to get work done. Or they see you in the kitchen cooking dinner and ask: "What are you making when they see the chicken being put in the oven?" 🙄🤦🏽‍♀️

That's me ↗️ I'm that child with my Daddy God. 🤗 Lol... Did I digress again? 🧐 I apologize.

The relationship we have now (ask, seek, knock) had me see where my compartmentalizing and His question for me came into play. See, if I am segmenting where He is with me, then I would either move or not move at all based on my measure of faith or lack thereof. Going back to the scripture, I understand that it is the measure of faith God has assigned; yet, I had to wonder...

• If this is an unrealized area where I didn't realize I hadn't invited God, how can any measure of faith be applied? 🤔

• If I am not moving by pressing into what needs to be done based on this desire for things to look a certain way or be "perfect" then where is my faith in God?

This brings me back to my good sis and I being assigned to read the book of James. I was reading chapter 2:14-18 (NIV), where it says:

What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds.

As I read that, I heard the Lord ask me: "Is your desire for perfection a lack of faith in Me?"

I know this conversation wouldn’t come up without reason. He then had me re-read verses 14-18.

In those verses, James expresses the need for us to be “hearers” as well as “doers” of the word by focusing on the relationship between faith and works. In verse 2:14, where he says, “Can faith save him,” it is like a question and a statement, “Can a faith that does not express itself in good works be a saving faith?” The answer would be no.

What's interesting is that this is one of those scriptures that has been beaten over my head growing up. In my mind, I had to dissect what God was asking me…was this “freeze until it's perfect syndrome” I was suffering a lack of faith, which would then halt my works.

Let’s take this blog, for example; this isn’t my first rodeo.

I started a blog in 2020. You can ask me yesterday, today and tomorrow, why I stopped and what happened to it, and the answer will be the same: I don't know. I truly don’t remember. All I remember is having a deep desire to share the downloads and conversations God and I had. I knew then, like I know now that what he was sharing was so wonderful; it couldn't be for me alone.

• How many testimonies and downloads has the Lord given us? Yet we keep them locked inside of us.

James 1:16-18 (NKJV) Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. 17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. 18 Of His own will He brought us forth by the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of His creatures.

• If I am a “kind” of first fruit, brought forth by the word of truth, why was this of all things so hard to share?

Interestingly enough, I have been called back to sharing and I thank God, the redeemer for helping me to see that there was a space I separated Him from within me. I thank Him for the privilege of serving Him now and using this space to do so. God is so FaithFULL that He understands the measure at which we need to steward our gifts. We all have access to this resource in Him should we desire it. What may not always come to our remembrance is to ask.

Today, I am asking that those who read this meet Jehovah-Go'el (Redeeming God) and He bring to remembrance the gifts that we may be holding onto knowingly or unknowingly that need to be cultivated and poured out. I pray that we see us being set apart as a kind of firstfruit, as His peculiar child a privilege. May we present our bodies as a living sacrifice to serve God with the measure of faith He gives us for His glory. In Jesus name, Amen.

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Here are a few questions you can ask in your personal time with God to induce conversation:

💬 What comes up when you are asked to do specific things with your gifts? (Do you feel like you it needs to be "perfect", Are you worried it won't be good enough, Are you worried about what others may think?)

💬 In what area of my life am I lacking faith? (Sometimes we may have faith in our great parenting abilities, our cooking or our public speaking by way of God, but not our marriage, or how we manage our finances.)

💬 Do I have faith in the one who is FaithFULL to do a good work in me and see that it is completed?

These aren't questions to make any of us feel bad, they are starting points to support in peeling back those layers that can sometimes cover up the truth we need to show our faith in deeds!

Keep this in mind as your journey forward:

Progress is the practiced faith in Christ needed to make perfect. I'm believing for you!

Till we meet again,

Abba's ready writer,Lena!

P.S Thank you for taking the time to read my first (not so first) blog post in this season. If you've been blessed in any way, feel free to share it with someone else. 🤗